I said something stupid. Ok, I say stupid things all the time. Ask my wife. However this time, I thought how stupid it was to think like that. I was giving credit to my new story for writing itself. I then thought about how many times I have said or thought, “Wow, this just writes itself.” NO, it does not write itself, it is not sentient. You alone should get the credit for your work, even when you don’t realize your mind is working in the background on something.
I am not advocating for the “I did it all on my own.” people who refuse to acknowledge help and influence in getting them to their goals. Behind every self-made person is many who gave a hand or an idea. There are people who suffered so that the writer had the time to write.
Give yourself credit in your own mind when you write something, no matter how easy it feels at the time. You are the only one who could have written that exact story. That is being a writer. No one can take that from you ever.
I am sure many of you have heard the phrase take care of your self first so many times it make you want to puke. Well I am here with first hand knowledge of how bad that can get. No I am not dead, nor am I am risk of death (except the ever present danger of a stroke I seem to have developed)
I was on a anti-depressant for issues I won’t get into here beside saying they are all due to things outside of my control and I need time to work through all of them. Let us leave it at that please. Coming from one medicine to another has me sufferring for headaches that can make you cry, I have had migraine my whole life but these are a different animal. I am also dealing with an issue of people. I am not comfortable leaving the house at this time, and until the new less destructive medicine kicks in, I have found myself missing deadlines, unable to spend time online in my communities, and only comfortable playing board games with the family. I haven’t really picked up my phone in three days. Missing the deadlines has left me feeling worse because I out myself under a lot of strain over it. I don’t miss deadlines, no matter who imposed them. I have 500 words written for the post that was supposed to go up Thursday morning still sitting in my Quell queue unable to finish them at this time. I am sure what came out would not only be disastrous, it would probably make Stephan King hid under his covers. Until this new medicine truly kick in and I can be myself again I am afraid a hit or miss cycle will be the norm. I am feeling better tonight with everyone in bed and all but few of my friends online to as how I am to push at the issue more. Like biting the inside of your mouth, the only real cure is to avoid more biting.
I offer this little bit of information so you will understand when I say: “Remember you aren’t just an artist, writer, author, father, husband, son, and friend, you are also human and susceptible to all kinds of things that will make life get in the way of what you love.” I love writing more than any other thing I have done in forty-two years regularly. For now though I need to spend time with myself. Lights off, candles lit, and glass of tea in hand looking at the sunrise wondering if today will be the day I find some relief. Thank you all for reading, commenting, etc… I will never have all the answers, most of the times I didn’t even know the question existed. I do, however, try to post things to help anyone who finds themselves in my position. I am off now to enjoy my tea and remember why some of us are creators and why it is so important even if no one ever sees the creation.